My own birth

I started out writing why I chose homebirth, but decided instead to write about my own birth first since it is important.

Why does my own birth story matter? Well, the first conscious memory that I have of birth was probably of my mom coming home from a birth as she used to go and help women in the church who would call her during labour. Sometimes they’d been stalled for several hours and the doctor was threatening cesarean. She’d go in, introduce herself as the mom’s pastor, and ask everyone to clear the room so they could pray. Then they’d pray or get out of bed and get upright or sip red raspberry leaf tea or Evergreen WheatGrass Juice. I remember one who was so tired after a long labour and was ready to have the cesarean. My mom (who has had 2 vaginal births and a cesarean) said, “You’re going to hate me for the next couple of hours, but you’ll thank me after. Now get out of bed.” She got her up and walking and that baby was born in less than an hour. Other times their own moms lived far away or were estranged so they’d call her to be there for them. I LOVED hearing these stories and seeing pictures of the new babies and families. I loved going with when she visited with them prenatally and postpartum.

But before all of that, was my own birth. I was there, I was present, and I’ve heard the story over and over, even if I don’t consciously have a memory of it. I DO believe that how a person is born matters and can affect their life (beyond just the immediate health issues that I talk about a lot on this blog.) How a mother tells her child’s birth story to them also matters. This is not to say that a difficult birth will inevitably scar them for the rest of their life, but I’ve heard mothers say – in front of that child – “It’s the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life.” “I thought I was going to die” or “I wanted to die.” “I never want to go through that again.” All of these are perfectly valid and it is good to process the birth, but please do it away from that child’s earshot. They don’t need to hear things that they won’t understand and may take responsibility for. Ie. “Wow. *I* caused my mother the most pain she’s ever experienced. *I* made my mom wish she were dead.” I digress…

My mother’s first birth was in the hospital. My older brother was born 2 weeks past his guess date. She arrived at the hospital with my father and my Aunt Karen, who is a registered nurse. My mom’s doctor had said she would be allowed in but the hospital said one support person only and no switching. So my mom refused to go in and sat in the family waiting room where my aunt helped her until she had to leave for work. She had an epidural after 24 hours of labour. The nurses changed shift and before going off shift, her first nurse gave her a dose of epidural but did not write it down. The next nurse came in and proceeded to get ready to give her another dose. She told her, “Um, excuse me, the last nurse just did that.” The nurse replied, “Well, it’s not written down,” and gave her another dose. Not surprisingly, my mother could not feel at all to push. So she got a terrible episiotomy (which later got infected).

Then she had to fight just to get her baby. This was 1983 and they used to stay in the hospital a lot longer than they do now so she was still there when her milk came in. It came in so she went down to the nursery. She pointed out her baby (who was hungry and crying – a nurse was holding him with her finger in his mouth, trying to calm him) and asked for him. She was told it was visiting hours and she could have him in 4 hours as no babies were allowed on the floor during visiting hours. Understandably, she freaked. “That’s MY baby and he’s HUNGRY and my BOOBS ARE FULL!!! GIVE ME MY BABY!!!” The nurse refused but the head nurse heard her all the way down the hall and around the corner and came to see what was wrong. She said “Give her her baby”. She called my dad, sobbing and unable to speak. He thought something had happened to the baby so he came rushing to the hospital. When he heard what had happened, he said, “That’s it?” I can totally relate to her. I may have tried to break down the nursery door if someone had tried that on me.

She was also roomed with another woman who had a very numerous and very loud family. At one point, they lost count how many people were in the room and were having to shout in order to hear each other. My dad went out and got the nurse and she asked everyone to leave.

Despite my brother being exclusively breastfed, my mom became pregnant with me when he was 6 months old. She did not want a repeat of what she had gone through before. She called up the hospital and asked, “Do you still have the policy of only one support person and no switching?” They answered yes so she sought out a doctor that would do a homebirth. He was from Holland, where most babies are born at home. He was very laid back.



The house I was born in.

I was born 3 weeks past my guess date. My grandma’s birthday was the day before and my mom had spent the day doing gardening and going for long walks, trying to get labour to start. It worked, but I wasn’t born until 3:12 am the next day.


My mom, 41.5 weeks pregnant with me (1.5 weeks to go!)

My mom called her parents to come over and they brought my Aunt Sarah (around 14 years old) with them. My grandma T was dressed up in her Sunday best and my grandpa T, who is colour blind and normally has his clothes picked out by my grandma, was wearing 3 different colours of shirt, pants, and tie. As my mom puts it, Sarah was the only one dressed how she should be for a birth – jeans and a t-shirt.

My dad’s dear parents (Gma and Gpa M) are/were very medically minded and were terrified at the thought of me being born at home. They were out of the country when I arrived.

My grandma started boiling water. She didn’t know what it was for, that’s just what you do at births! The doctor explained that it’s for hot compresses to help the perineum stretch and prevent tearing.

I was born right on my parents’ bed. The doctor handed me right into my grandmother’s church shirt covered arms.



My mom's parents and I

My mom was shocked when he announced that it was a girl. She’d SO wanted a girl that time but convinced herself she was having another boy so that she wouldn’t be disappointed. Not that my brothers were a disappointment! She was thrilled to have them and thrilled to have a daughter too J



Dr. Barel, me, my dad and mom.

I was 9 lbs, 4 oz and my mom had barely a tear that required no stitches.

My dad, big brother, myself, and my mom.

My mom writes:

“Right after you were born we woke Josh up to meet you and he said " whaz zat " pointing at you meaning if course what's that.  He was pretty fascinated by you. A real living doll.”

My big brother and I

My other grandparents called when their plane landed a few hours later. My grandpa T answered the phone. They asked if the baby had arrived yet and he said, “Yes! Right here at home!” Grandma M said “WHAT!?!?!? We’ll be right over.”

My dad's parents and I

She came over and got to give me my first bath. She asked the doctor how she’d know if it was too hot or cold. He said, “Well, if she turns red, it’s too hot. If she turns blue, it’s too cold.”

Grandma M and I

I spent the first night in my parents’ bed while they discussed my name. My mom’s grandmother’s name was Anna, as was my dad’s aunt. My dad’s mom’s name was Grace. They both liked the name Christine. They couldn’t figure out which names to use and then decided I could handle all three so they named me Anna Grace Christine. Anna means “full of grace.” They said I would need a double dose of grace in my life (and boy, were they right).

My mom and I (1 day old)

My Grandma T brought over chicken the next night for dinner. My mom also brought chicken for us in the evening after I had my secondborn at home :)

I love to hear my birth story told, especially when she says, “It was the most wonderful birth, just perfect.”

My mom writes,

“What a wonderful story!  You were a dream birth.  If everyone’s births were like that, people would have more babies.

You were such a beautiful plump baby.  Those eyes and cheeks...

The sight of you made people want to have babies.”

L's Birth Story - Part 4

What I learned during my pregnancy and birth of Baby #2 (now L)

Between the births of my first and second children, I did A LOT of research on pregnancy and childbirth. I literally started writing my birth plan for #2 about 2 weeks after #1 was born. Around the time he was 18 months old, I started wanting another baby. The only reason I wanted to wait even that long was so that he’d be walking on his own – due to the risk of preterm labour, I didn’t want to be carrying a heavy toddler everywhere during my pregnancy. Hubby wasn’t ready though, and it was 2 more years before God decided to bless us with L.

My cousin’s wife during her pregnancy received prenatal care from midwives. She told me how they spent 45-60 minutes per appointment and talked about how the pregnancy was going, how she was feeling, and anything else she wanted to talk about with them. I was very impressed by this. I felt comfortable with my doctor in that I was confident that she would find anything wrong AND (this was huge) she’d come to the hospital and “deliver” my baby rather than me having to use the on-call doctor. However, our appointments were 5 minutes long on average. She’d take my blood pressure, check the baby’s heartrate, measure my fundal height (height from my pubic bone to the top of my uterus), and I’d leave a cup of pee with the receptionist. If I had any questions or concerns, I frequently had to stop her on her way out the door in order to ask them. Her replies were rushed, as she had many patients and was often overbooked and running behind. We could count on waiting 1-2 hours past the start of our scheduled appointment time in order to see her. I did like her as a doctor. She rarely puts pressure on us to do things that we don’t want to do. She’s just very, very rushed.

So when I learned I was pregnant in the spring of 2008, I immediately called a group of midwives. They were closed so I left a message and got a message on my machine to call them back before I was 6 weeks along to make sure I got in as they’re usually booked up by 7 weeks. Wow. Unfortunately, I miscarried that baby so I never called them back. I was so devastated that, despite my passion for pregnancy and childbirth, I wasn’t able to read any books or watch any shows about it for a couple of months. After I had healed for a bit, I decided to get more involved in the birthing community through doula work. Hubby and I didn’t feel ready for another pregnancy, but I still loved pregnancy and childbirth and didn’t want to be totally cut off from it. I’d wanted to do this for years and it felt like the right time. I signed up for a doula workshop through DONA and sent in my fees. About a week before the workshop, I learned I was pregnant. After 4 consecutive miscarriages, I was very concerned but also hopeful. It was pretty special doing the workshop while pregnant as I was looking forward to this baby’s birth. It was very emotional as we heard other women’s birth stories and learned how to support women in the childbirthing process.

I was only 3.5 weeks pregnant when I called the midwives this time. The receptionist laughed that I’d called so early, but I wanted to make sure that I got in. They booked my first appointment for when I’d be 10 weeks along and it was a LONG wait – both for fear of miscarriage and because of my excitement to meet my midwives. I was under the false impression that all midwives were like the famous Ina May and had never even heard the term “medwife”. Hubby and I met our primary midwife, Wendy Wong, and the appointment took about an hour. What a huge transition from the 5 minutes at the doctor! I was already convinced when I walked in the door that I wanted midwifery care, but since it was our first time with them, she explained what they do and don’t do (They don’t do epidurals, cesareans, etc but they can be in the room with us still for emotional/informational support. They do pretty much anything else.) She told us that they’re experts at taking care of low-risk pregnancies but also know how to recognize signs of problems – in order to determine that a woman is low-risk, she explained, they have to first rule out any problems that would place her in the high-risk category. She gave us a list of what would put a women into high-risk and would require that she seek maternity care elsewhere. Some of the things on the list were questionable, “red flags” were how she put it. If I had one red flag (twins, VBAC, breech, etc) then I could possibly remain under their care, but if she saw more than one, then she’d likely recommend that we transfer to an OB. There were a lot more to the list but that’s all that I remember now. I remember thinking, “wow, that’s a long list and I’ve read lots of birth stories where the midwives handled these issues just fine, even when there was more than one issue in the same woman.” But I figured it was probably just a CYA thing and wouldn’t be much of an issue. Besides, I didn’t have any of those issues so far. The only exception was the preterm labour last time. However, since he hadn’t been born early, she said it didn’t really count but they’d still watch for it.

At the next appointment, my mom and I met my backup midwife, Tracy Franklin. I’m not sure why, but I didn’t feel as comfortable with her initially as I did my primary (this feeling didn’t last though and I soon felt even more comfortable with her than with my primary). She took about an hour again, as we told her the medical history from both sides of the family.

I think it was about halfway through the pregnancy before we decided to prepare for a homebirth. Hubby was uncertain of it. He fully supported other women’s right to choose a homebirth, but didn’t feel comfortable with it for HIS wife. We watched BOBB (Business of Being Born) together. The first birth is a wonderful, peaceful waterbirth at home. He said, “Can you have a birth like that if you birth at home?” Knowing how many variables there are to birth, I didn’t promise him that my birth would be exactly like that, but did tell him that I *could* have a birth like that. It was an option. It definitely would not happen in the hospitals as no hospitals close to us allow waterbirth. He said then he would support it, as long as no issues showed up during the pregnancy that would necessitate a hospital birth. I was so happy to hear this!

We spent most of the appointments discussing what could happen during the birth and grilling the midwives about what they’d do.

- What if my water broke and there was no labour? How long would they wait before recommending induction? (72 hours from time of SROM – if I hadn’t started labour by then they’d recommend induction. Of course, it was imperative to keep EVERYTHING out of there – no vaginal exams, no s*x to try to induce labour, etc. There’s hardly any risk of infection as long as nothing going inside and introducing bacteria to an otherwise usually sterile environment. They said I could still take baths because bacteria can’t swim and the nature of the birth canal keeps itself clean) I was satisfied with this. Many doctors induce labour immediately when the water breaks, or maybe give the women a few hours if they’re exceptionally patient doctors, and they do copious amounts of VEs, and restrict access to water – showers only, no baths.

- What if I went into preterm labour? (Then they’d have to transfer care to an OB, but they’d still try to stay there with me and assist during the birth.)

- What if the baby got stuck? I don’t know what made me ask this question – probably just covering all my bases. (They’d put me flat on my back, McRobert’s position. I did not like this. I asked about the Gaskin maneuver (hands and knees) and she said they used to do that but now do McRobert’s. She said I could try the Gaskin maneuver but if that didn’t work, they’d do the McRobert’s. I was satisfied that I could at least try it. In the end though, I was not given the option to try it.)

- I asked them about not doing immediate cord clamping/cutting. She (Wendy) said that was fine, as long as the baby was doing well. If the baby needed oxygen or suctioning, they’d have to take him over to the table (had to be a flat surface, preferably at waist height in case paramedics had to deep suction him). She said this did not happen a lot, and usually just when there was meconium present. I asked her what about studies that showed that suctioning did not improve outcomes for babies born with meconium and may in fact cause them to gasp for air, increasing the chance that they will aspirate some meconium. Suctioning can also cause oral aversions, negatively affecting breastfeeding. She asked me to email her the link to the study, which I did, but I never heard a response about it and didn’t see her again until the day after the baby’s birth.

- They said if I had Strep B, I could still have a homebirth. They’d come as soon as I was having contractions to give me the first dose, leave a hep-lock in and leave for awhile and then come back closer to the birth and give me the second dose. I thought that was pretty cool. I didn’t have it so it was a non-issue.

Overall, I was pretty satisfied. On the areas where what they routinely did conflicted with what I wanted, they agreed to make compromises as long as it was still safe. This CAN be a warning sign. Frequently care providers, especially doctors but occasionally midwives, will revert to what they always do, regardless of what you’d asked them for. For example, many doctors will reassure first time moms that they only do episiotomies when they feel it is absolutely necessary. What they do not tell her is that many feel that an episiotomy is necessary for every single first time mom. Some doctors will “allow” a woman with a prior cesarean to do a trial of labour (TOL), and then something will happen (or not actually happen, but the doctor will invent it or say s/he is afraid it might happen) at every single one of these births that the doctor feels requires a cesarean. If your doctor says s/he will allow TOL but has close to a 100% repeat cesarean rate, RUN don’t walk to find a new caregiver.

One HUGE warning sign was when Wendy was going over what would probably happen at the birth. We’d already decided to prepare for a homebirth. She started out with, “When contractions are x amount apart and x seconds long, (I forget the numbers now, it’s been awhile) then you’ll go in to the hospital. If I’m already there or close by then I’ll come assess you, otherwise a triage nurse will check you and if you are not dilated enough they will send you home. If you are, then they’ll page me to come. If you’re past 4 cm, then I’ll break your water (AROM).” I stopped her there and asked why she would break my water. She said, “Oh, I just usually do that in order to speed things up.” I told her I did not want AROM as it often makes the labour a lot more difficult, unbearable even, without pain medication. She looked at me very strange (I suppose wondering what kind of a woman does not want something that could speed up the labour) but agreed not to break it for no reason but routine. I expressed that I wanted to be consulted and to give my permission before ANY interventions were done, which she agreed to. I was still uneasy that she’d assumed I’d end up at the hospital even though I wanted a homebirth and that she routinely did AROM at 4cm. I wondered what else she did routinely that she might be forgetting to tell me about. This, combined with the suctioning discussion made me question if I wanted her at the birth but I felt I didn’t really have a choice. Midwives are booked up by 7 weeks here and I was close to full-term. I had long talks with Hubby about what I wanted and he assured me that he’d defend me and would make sure I got what I wanted in case something else was being pressured on me. In the meantime, I prayed that she would be off-call at the time and I’d get my back-up midwife. As it turned out, this is exactly what happened.

All of this to say, I learned that it’s worth putting effort into seeking out caregivers that have the same birthing philosophy as you do. I was afraid that I would offend her by asking her too many questions or by requesting a different midwife. I even mistakenly assumed that all midwives were the same and provide the same type of care that I’d read about – with utmost trust in women and their ability to birth their own babies without intervention. Midwives are people too and as such, are as different from each other as anyone else is. Most people put more effort into finding a good mechanic than finding a good health care provider during pregnancy and childbirth.

Soon after L’s birth, I wrote the following paragraph at the end of his birth story:

“I wouldn’t say that it was the best birth I could have asked for. I would have loved to have been in less pain. I would have loved for his head to have been straight in the birth canal instead of skewed to the side. However, a lot did go right. I actually prefer my secondary midwife and ended up having her as my primary for the birth. Had I been in the hospital, I most likely would have gotten an epidural. Considering his size and how difficult it was to get him out with no pain medication, had I been numbed, I most certainly would have had at least an episiotomy, and probably a vacuum assisted delivery or caesarean. I’m very glad to have avoided that (despite having begged for it during labour). I’m glad that I was able to approve of every intervention (homeopathics, AROM, pitocin) instead of it just being done out of routine. I had wished for a totally intervention free birth, but everything that was done had a purpose so I’m completely okay with it. My baby is perfect and I couldn’t ask for more than that.”

Over time, though, my opinion has changed. I do believe that some of the interventions were unnecessary. I didn’t even think of them as interventions at the time. Vaginal exams, holding back the cervical lip, and birthing flat on my back did not seem to “intervene” with the birthing process. However, I got so hung up on the numbers that I believe the VEs were detrimental. I know that women can go from barely dilated to baby in arms in less than an hour. I know that women can stay at 7 cm for hours or even days. Believe it or not, babies will be born even if there is no vaginal exam! I know, crazy talk eh? Putting fingers up there is not in any way required by nature for a baby to be born. There are other ways for midwives to tell how dilated a woman is (yes, really! See the link below) than performing a VE. I forgot to mention this to my midwife yesterday, so I’m glad that I am writing this as it reminded me to bring it up next time.

Also, it was due to the VE that I was asked to change from the only comfortable position that I found during the labour. I was leaning over a birthing ball. I think this was taking the baby’s head off the cervix, allowing him to find a better position to be born in. However, because the baby’s head was not putting full pressure on the cervix, it closed up a little bit. Had my midwife and I just trusted my body, I believe I would have stayed in that position for longer, baby would have turned his head straight, and we would have gone on from there. Instead, I got upright, put his head right back on the cervix – still tilted, and this caused continuing incredible pain, a cervical lip, and possibly, why he was stuck.

I also felt pushy at one point. My body was making small bearing down movements. I pushed with it once and it didn’t feel right so I stopped. MW performed a VE and said I wasn’t 10 so not to push. So I worked against the urge my body had to push, possibly prolonging the dilation. Those small, grunty pushes can push the baby’s head against the cervix and assist it to open up. Telling me not to allow my body to push encourages me to distrust my body. Perhaps the MW could have encouraged me to allow my body to push if it wanted to, but that I didn’t need to push along with it if it didn’t feel right.

Holding back the cervical lip was probably unnecessary. My firstborn was born with a cervical lip, as are many babies, and no one held it back. I could have attempted to push without anyone holding it back to see if it moved out of the way, or moved to hands and knees to put more pressure on that part of the cervix. Instead, the MW offered to push it aside and, seeing a possible quicker way to the end of the labour, I consented. This meant that I HAD to push flat on my back so that she had access to the cervix so that she could push it out of the way. Having her push it to the side was extremely painful. I put up with it, hoping that it would all be over soon.

Pushing flat on my back was extremely uncomfortable. I had wanted to try other birthing positions and was disappointed that that was the very first position that I was asked to get into to try pushing.

I learned a lot during the pregnancy and birth of my firstborn and learned still more during that of my secondborn. I hope that with all of this knowledge and experience, and having midwives that are much more on the same line of thinking as I am about pregnancy and childbirth that the birth of baby #3 will be all I imagined it to be. Don’t get me wrong. I know birth is unpredictable. I just want to be listened to, respected, and left alone to do what I need to do as much as possible. I like the analogy of a lifeguard. I know how to swim, however, even with a pool full of people who all know how to swim, there is still a lifeguard just in case something unexpected happens. Most of the time, they sit on the sidelines and watch. This is what I want in a midwife. Someone who trusts that I know how to birth and I’m capable of birthing, and just sits and watches in case something extraordinary happens and I need her.

I was going to blog about my midwife appointment yesterday, but I think this is long enough so I’ll blog about it another day.

Here are some links that I found useful that you may too:

A view on why immediate cord clamping must cease in routine obstetric delivery

How Dilated Am I? Assessing Dilation in Labor WITHOUT an Internal Exam.

Honoring Body Wisdom (This article is about “preventing” tearing.)

Homebirth Supplies List

No benefit for suctioning of meconium-stained babies at delivery

The Anterior Cervical Lip: how to ruin a perfectly good birth

Reducing an Anterior Cervical Lip

L's Birth Story - Part 3 (as observed by my birth doula)

This is my secondborn's birth, as described by my birth doula. I have changed it only to remove my children's names, the rest of her writing is intact :) I can't get the included pictures to copy over, sorry! Most were the same as the ones I posted already though.

The Birth of Baby #2

Friday, June 26, 2009   11:23 a.m.

As Observed by Barbara Pal, Trained Birth Doula (DONA)

Dear Baby,                               

I first met your Mom in the Autumn of 2008. We were at a weekend doula course together, learning how to help a Mommy who is ready to have her baby. Mom told us that weekend that she had just learned you were growing in her womb, and everyone was very happy for her. I remember thinking Mom was a thoughtful, quiet, smart woman. I was impressed that her Mother (your Grandma) ran a business helping birthing Mothers, and I thought Mom must know a lot about birth.

During the course, we all got to know each other and enjoyed each other. After the course was over, we were invited to be part of a group that would keep in touch online. We were all excited to start our work and keep in touch with each other, sharing stories and helping one another.

In December, a couple of weeks before Christmas, Mom asked me to get in touch with her. She asked me if I would be her doula and we would meet with Daddy so we could be sure that we were all comfortable with each other. I was very excited and honoured that Mom asked me to help her when it was time for you to be born. Mom said your family would be busy with Christmas activities, so we agreed to meet in the new year, after things settled down a bit.

We agreed to meet in January, but Mom got very sick, so we decided to put it off a bit. Also Dad was busy with school on the weekends. Eventually we agreed on a time I would come by to have a visit and a chat. We drank tea while Big Brother played around us, and Dad came over so we could all meet each other. It was a nice visit and I felt excited because I liked Mom, Dad and Big Brother a lot, and was so happy Mom asked me to be a part of this special time of their lives.

We spoke on and off over time. Mom got busy sewing diapers for your arrival. She did some more reading to prepare for your birth. She had some aches and pains that reminded her just how much her body was changing as you were growing inside her womb. Soon came spring, and then came the summer. Mom, Dad and Big Brother waited for you to come.

                          

Then one morning, on Friday June 26th, 2009 Mom woke up at about 4 in the morning with strong contractions. They were coming every 3-5 minutes and lasting 1 minute long. Mom went to the washroom and sat there for awhile, went to the living room and sat on the birthing ball for awhile, and then she tried to go back to sleep. But the message from her body was strong and would not let her fall back to sleep -- it was your day to come. Mom went to the living room and called Daddy. Dad was in the basement working on the broken computers. He didn’t hear Mom for awhile and then heard a noise. He thought that was Big Brother calling out from his bed. Then he realized it was Mom calling him. “What?” Dad shouted. “Come here!” Mom said. Dad came upstairs and then realized Mom was in labour. It was finally time for you to come.

Dad called me at 6:00 a.m. I answered the phone from my bed, where I was sleeping with my baby. I hopped in the car and called Dad back to see how Mom was doing. She was doing fine and Dad's voice sounded very excited. When I arrived at around 7:30 a.m. and Dad was on the porch, talking on the cell phone, with a huge smile on his face. I knew he was excited that you would finally be born and it made my heart smile to see it. Mom was in the washroom with Grandma, hugging and breathing through contractions. The midwives, Tracy and Carla, were there when I arrived. Tracy had come from another birth and was a bit tired. Big Brother was already gone. We slowly moved into the living room and Mom sat on the birth ball. People were excited and chatting. Mom leaned forward to hug Grandma, and then later hug Dad, while I rubbed her back. Aunt Rebecca arrived and her eyes were sparkling with excitement and joy. She kneeled down at Mom’s side waiting to see how she could help. So many people were excited for your coming! Mom told me she couldn’t believe that this was it, you were really coming now!

 After awhile people quieted down so we could give Mom a chance to focus on her breathing and her body. Her contractions started to get stronger and Mom was feeling tired because she had gotten very little sleep. She leaned over the ball while Aunt Rebecca rubbed her back. I stroked Mom’s head and hair, shoulders and arms. We helped her relax between contractions and breathe through them. All of a sudden Mom turned and vomited on the sheet set up on the living room floor where she was planning to birth. The midwives rushed to bring a bowl to Mom. We were excited and happy that she vomited because we knew this was a good sign that her labour was progressing and we were getting closer to meeting you.

I asked Mom when was the last time she had a pee – and it had been sometime early in the morning. We slowly walked Mom over to the washroom so she could pee – we knew this would help you move further down because an empty bladder would not block your way. I sat on the edge of the tub and hugged Mom during her contractions, rubbing her lower back. Tracy popped her head in to see how things were going since Mom felt a little pushy.

Mom returned to the living room and leaned over the birthing ball again. The contractions were getting very intense and Mom was tired. She leaned forward quite a bit and her shoulders came down low to the ground while her hips stayed up. Grandma, Aunt Rebecca, Dad and I were trying to help Mom feel comfortable by rubbing her, breathing with her, stroking her hair and body. I spoke to Mom in a calm, comforting voice and helped her use the time between contractions to rest and relax. At times the room got completely quiet while we were in tune with Mom’s birth rhythm. There was a quiet power in the room.

Tracy suggested Mom sit on the birthing stool for a little while – or not. Mom sat on it while leaning back against Aunt Rebecca. Grandma stood between Mom’s knees and helped her breathe. I brought her a cool wet cloth for her forehead and neck. Mom was feeling discouraged and was in a lot of pain. She said, “I can’t do it! Take me to the hospital for an epidural now!” Dad, Grandma, Aunt Rebecca and I all told her that we were totally confident she *could* do it. It is normal for women at this stage of labour to feel this way, and we would help her work through it. She prepared so much for this day to have her baby born at home, without drugs or needles, to be able to walk around, to rock and sit and step, to move in the ways that felt right to help you to be born. If anyone could do it, we knew Mom could! We offered a warm rice sock for the pain in Mom's lower tummy and even some frozen juice cans, but these things didn't feel right for her. So I suggested Mom step in the shower because sometimes warm water helps labouring Mothers feel less pain.

Tracy checked the opening of Mom’s birth tunnel to see if Mom was ready to push you out yet. Her contractions were very strong, close together and long. Usually this means it is close to the time that a Mommy is ready to push her baby out. Tracy felt that Mom still had some time to go and noticed that Mom’s low shoulder/high hip position got you moving back up into her womb. We wanted you to come the other way, not go back up! Tracy said getting up, walking around and getting into the shower was a good idea. Aunt Rebecca and I each took a side and hoisted Mom up under her arms. We put her arms over our shoulders and slowly shuffled over to the washroom, telling Mom all the while that she could do it! We were so proud of her. She was at a very hard part of labour and was working so hard in body, mind and spirit.

In the shower Aunt Rebecca hugged Mom and rocked with her while Mom cried. Mom knew it would be very hard work for her body to bring you out and she was tired. I turned on the shower and we found a warm temperature that felt good to Mom. Aunt Rebecca sang a hymn in her beautiful voice to comfort Mom. Tracy the midwife popped her head into the bathroom and smiled -- Aunt Rebecca's voice was very comforting. Dad came by to see how Mom was doing and she told him, “Don’t leave!” When Mom was feeling very scared and tired, wanting to go to the hospital, Aunt Rebecca told her, “No, you can do this! We all believe in you. This is what you have been wanting. You are a strong woman! You can have this baby at home naturally.” She gathered her arms around Mom even more tightly and swayed and rocked with her. Aunt Rebecca told her many wonderful encouraging soothing words to help Mom get through this difficult time. It was very beautiful to hear and see. I rubbed Mom’s back and poured water from a little cup on her body to help comfort her. Mom later said the water helped a little bit and was distracting. After awhile Dad left when Mom was unhappy with him there, and we all chuckled at the things she said. We knew it was normal for a Mom at this stage of labour to be feeling like Mom did.

When we moved back to the living room, Tracy again checked Mom. She suggested breaking Mom’s water because Mom felt soooo much pressure, and your little watery bag had not burst yet. We knew it would help you be in Mom’s arms more quickly. Mom agreed. Tracy and Carla also helped stretch the last little bit of cervix over your head so Mom could begin pushing you out.

Mom growled like a Bear Mama and called out like a Warrior Woman. She prayed and worked very hard to get you moving down and out. She leaned back against Aunt Rebecca's lap and pulled her knees up to push you out. Aunt Rebecca held Mom's hands as Mom pushed. "Baby, get out!" Mama Bear said to her Little Cub. The midwives knew you were a big baby making your slow way out to meet the world, and this was very hard work for Mom. Everyone made a circle around Mom and the midwives told everyone to be quiet so they could work with Mom and help you be born in a healthy way. Suddenly Tracy said, I see hair! Mom did not believe her, but she brought a mirror and Mom's eyes popped open. She touched your little head and was so happy to see it that it gave her a burst of energy to keep pushing you out.

My favourite part of your birth came next. Mom was resting after having pushed your little head all the way out. You were halfway between two worlds: the warm dark world inside Mama's body, and peaking out into the bright wonderful world where your loving family and life were waiting for you. We all sat there in great excitement because Mom was doing it and you were about to be born. I was amazed at the beauty of Mom's power and strength through this difficult mind, body and spirit battle. It was such a beautiful and powerful moment. Tracy noticed you had your umbilical cord wrapped around your neck. She went to cut it but decided to see if she could slip it over your head. She was able to do so. Your shoulders were a little sticky and Tracy the midwife placed her hands carefully on either side of your ears, and gently but firmly eased you out while Mom pushed. You were born at 11:23 a.m.

Tracy placed you on Mom's chest when you were born and everyone was so excited and happy. Mom was relieved. After a few moments Carla, the second midwife, took you over to the table so she could help clear the fluid from your airway, and help you breathe the fresh air from the world. Mom felt cold lying on the living room floor on the bed sheet, so Aunt Rebecca and I got socks, a warm rice sock, and blankets for her.

A short while after, Carla brought you over to Mom and lay you on her warm chest, hoping you would catch the rhythm of Mom's breathing. You were still grunting and Carla took you back to the table. She asked everyone to be quiet, turned the lights down low, and placed her hands on your little body. Dad, who had been a firefighter, said they were trained to put babies on their stomach after they were born to help clear the fluid out of the baby's lungs. Carla turned you over and it worked. She did a Newborn Assessment and found that you were 8 lbs and 13 oz. and 21.25" long. A big lovely round baby!

At 12:30 p.m. we set Mom up by the sofa to breastfeed. You latched on and did just great. Grandma went to get juice, muffins and Timbits. I decided then to say goodbye, because I wanted to get out of the way and let Mom to have this special loving bonding time with her little family.

Time passed and you grew. Big Brother was so happy to have a little brother. There were some rough nights for you and Mom with crying, and Dad helped rock you to comfort you. You and Mom had some breastfeeding troubles but got some good help, so things got better. Once in awhile Mom went in to Grandma's store to work and help out there.

I visited you, Mom, Dad and Big Brother with my little girl Emi, later in the summer, after you had grown a bit. You were a very beautiful baby and I was so pleased to be able to hold you close! The grown ups chatted and you napped.  Big Brother and Emi took turns riding the car outside, figuring out how to share something they both wanted. (This is something we do our whole lives!)

I had really enjoyed working with your family and could see you were surrounded by love.

Baby, may you be inquisitive, resourceful, and determined like your mother. May you be independent minded and adventurous like your father. May you live a healthy, joyful life surrounded by love.

Peace and blessings,

Barbara Pal

Trained Birth Doula (DONA)

L's Birth Story - Part 2

So after about 7 hours of labour, Tracy announced that I could start pushing. I did not feel an urge to push, but wanted it to be over ASAP so I push anyways.

Tracy manually dilates me because I’m so exhausted and well past my limit (so I feel). She helps position his head into a better position as I try to push by pushing the left side of his head BACK IN since his head is tilted to the right. This hurts badly but I’m in so much pain that it doesn’t really matter. I’m desperate. I beg again for an epidural.

Tracy tells me she sees hair. I debate in my mind whether she’s lying to me to try to encourage me. I think to myself that if she is, it’s awfully mean of her as I’ll find out at some point.

Hubby says he sees the head is coming. I think he’s still way up there so I reach my hand down and am surprised to feel about a 2” diameter of head. It’s very squishy. Now I believe that they’re telling the truth. Someone grabs a mirror and I’m thrilled to see his head. The mirror makes a huge difference and is very encouraging to me.

His head rocks in and out for about 10 minutes, it feels like forever to me. Tracy is concerned about shoulder dystocia. She has me pull my knees up as close to my ears as I can get them (McRobert’s position). I'm flat on my back. I don't want to be here. His head finally comes out. The cord is around his neck. Tracy reaches to cut and clamp and then changes her mind and lifts it over his head.

His shoulders are stuck and take some huge pushes and assistance from Tracy to get them out. I feel something crack just before his shoulders were born, I think it was my tailbone. It’s so loud that my mom said she heard it too. I feel so good after he is out and I am shocked and amazed that I did it. He was born at 11:23 am.

They put him on my chest for a few seconds but have to take him to the table for suction and oxygen because he is grunting. They guess he’s around 8.5 lbs.

Hubby, Baby, Carla

The placenta is born 6 minutes later. Tracy tells me not to worry, there’s no bones, it’ll come out easily. That one statement – there’s no bones – makes all the difference for me and I push it out easily. The placenta is big, much bigger than they’re used to seeing. Tracy tells me that it has grey spots on it which means it was starting to not function as well. I’m not concerned as I know this is often what triggers labour to start.

Tracy recommends that I get a shot of pitocin. We’d discussed it previously and I wanted to avoid it if possible. Due to his large size, difficult birth, the large size of the placenta (and thus a large wound left behind), and the manual manipulation of my cervix and his head on the way out, she recommended strongly that I get it. I agreed. I also allow fundal massage, something I’d wanted to avoid, for the same reasons.

I ask if I’ve torn. I have only a small skid mark, no tears at all. I didn’t need any stitches. I tore in 3 places with Five, all of which required stitches and left me in significant pain for several weeks.

I’m cold and shivering so Barb and Becca put warm rice socks by my legs and pile blankets on top of me. It feels so good to be at home, with my own blankets on me, instead of in the hospital trying to get warm with those thin sheets that they call blankets.

11:36, they bring him back to my chest to see if that helps stop the grunting. It doesn’t so they take him back to the table and discuss with Hubby which hospital they should take him to.

They try one more thing. They tell everyone to be quiet and turn down the lights to try to get him to relax. Hubby is sitting with him. I’m praying. Hubby is a former firefighter so he has first aid training and has delivered babies on the side of the road after car wrecks. One of the things they are told is to put the baby on its stomach to help it expel mucous and breathe more easily. He suggests this to Carla, who flips him to his stomach. He stops grunting.

Baby, Carla's hands

They weigh him and he is 8 lbs, 13 oz! 1 lb and 4 oz bigger than A was! He has a lot of fat on his body. I tell them that I am very glad that I did not know he was that big as I would have had an even harder time birthing him had I known that. 12:34, they bring him to me to breastfeed. He does great.

Hubby and my mom go out to get coffee, muffins, and timbits (at my request, I’m ravenous and craving timbits!). Barb has to leave.

Vitamin K shot is given. He doesn’t cry until after the shot. We declined the eye goop (ask me why if you want to know more about it).

My dad arrives with flowers. Gerbera daisies – my favourite – are among others in the bouquet, and an “It’s a boy!” balloon.

After 30 minutes or so, Becca takes L so I can go pee. I’m not bleeding a lot which is great.

Auntie Becca with Baby :)

My mom makes up my bed and I settle down there with L. Everyone drifts out. Hubby naps on the couch and L and I nap in the bed. The house is so peaceful.

Mom comes back in the evening with dinner and cleans up the house. I’m sore and stiff but able to walk much more easily than I was after A was born.

Baby holding Hubby's finger

The next day I’m bleeding like around the middle of my period. The day after that, it’s like the end of a period. I bled a lot more after A's birth, and for almost 5 weeks! I’m pleasantly surprised that, despite his larger size, I’m recovering from the birth much more quickly.

Wendy visits me the morning after he is born (Saturday). She notices that he’s tongue tied. After she points it out, it’s so obvious that I’m surprised no one noticed it the day before. (I regret not taking a picture of it as it was quite a sight – his frenulum was all the way to the end of his tongue, and very tight.)

Saturday afternoon A comes home. He’s thrilled to meet L and also thrilled to get two new transformer toys. He begs to hold L and I get some great pictures. So far, he’s very gentle with him and runs to him all concerned if he cries.

My 2 boys!

My milk comes in 2 days after he’s born, almost to the hour. After 3 days, my tailbone is still quite sore. I’m barely bleeding at all. I’m able to manage stairs, although I only use them when necessary (our nicer shower is downstairs).

3 days after his birth, Wendy visits me again. He’s 8 lbs, 15 oz! I didn’t expect him to lose much weight, but I totally didn’t expect him to actually gain weight! (Five was 7 lbs, 9 oz at birth and 7 lbs when we left the hospital 1.5 days later.)

Baby in Wendy's scale

He’s peeing and pooing well, the meconium is gone now. We took him to get his tongue tie released. The next day, the difference with breastfeeding is incredible. He’s able to open his mouth about 50% wider and take much more of the breast into his mouth. I have very little pain, which lessens more with each feeding.

Baby on the way to get frenulectomy done. 1st time in the carseat and NOT happy to be there!

L’s Birth Story - Part 1

I had a very uneventful pregnancy with L. I was hospitalized only once. At 28 weeks, I had a bad flu and was dehydrated which was causing contractions. This was scary as it was the same timing (28 weeks) that I’d gone into preterm labour with A.  I called hubby to come home from school and he took me to the closest hospital. My midwife doesn’t have privileges there, but they did check me to see if I was dilating, which I wasn’t. Phew. So, since we knew we had time, we went over to the hospital that my midwife does have privileges at. After 2 bags of fluid in an IV and some Tylenol, the contractions stopped. She said that she could have done a fetal fibronectin test that would tell us if the baby was going to try to come in the next 2 weeks but it requires a total sterile environment and since the first hospital had checked me, she couldn’t do the test. Oh well. I went home and took Tylenol and gravol and slept well and was much better the next day.

I had Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD), combined with sciatica, from about 6 or 7 months on. I bought a pregnancy support belt and was able to walk with it on.  I also went to a chiropractor regularly throughout my pregnancy, hoping to avoid the back labour of last time.

I was very excited to be seeing midwives for my prenatal care rather than my family doctor. This was for several reasons.

1. My midwives would spend 45-60 minutes per appointment with me. They had no problem just chatting with me about how the pregnancy was going and making suggestions here and there. My appointments with my family doctor during my first pregnancy averaged 5-10 minutes. I always felt she was rushed (she was) as she had many clients. I often had to stop her at the door as she was headed out in order to ask her questions.

2. I could have a homebirth! I was SO excited about this opportunity. The midwives discussed my husband's concerns and my mom even came with to one appointment to discuss it with them and left fully supportive of it. I didn't have many concerns because of all of the research I'd done. I'll discuss why I was so excited about homebirth in another post.

3. I wanted a more physiologically normal birth. No interventions if possible, no drugs, etc. I felt that getting prenatal care from midwives was the best way to achieve this goal.

My estimated due date was July 3rd, which is my father-in-law’s birthday. We thought that was cool – July 1st would be Canada Day, July 3rd would be his birthday, and July 4th was... well, the 4th of July lol. L didn’t pick any of those birthdates though! I think he wanted his own day :)

36 weeks

I woke up on Friday, June 26, 2009 at 4:14 am with contractions 3-5 minutes apart and 1.5-2 minutes long. They were very strong and took my full concentration to cope. I tried to go back to sleep but it was not going to happen. I sat on my exercise ball for awhile.

I called for Hubby at 5:20 to come and help me. He thought my moaning was A. He cleaned the house quickly, timed a few contractions, and questioned whether it was true labour – I assured him that it was and begged him to call the midwife IMMEDIATELY.

I had all of the supplies gathered for the birth, but nothing was set up and Hubby didn’t know where anything was. I’d expected labour to start slow and ramp up and that I’d have plenty of time to set things up. I actually planned to bake the baby a birthday cake while in labour in order to distract myself and have something to do. Instead, I was immobilized. Hubby did a good job setting up despite not knowing where anything was or where it was supposed to go.

About an hour later, he tried to figure out how to page Wendy Wong, my primary midwife. He finally just handed me the phone and I called her. She was off call so I paged Tracy Franklin, my secondary midwife.  When she called back, I was on the toilet so Hubby answers. She was just finishing up at a birth – baby was already born – so she paged another midwife to come to me. The toilet was making the contractions worse – same as with A’s labour. Hubby suggested that I take a bath. I decided to shower instead and quickly changed my mind and filled up the tub - go ahead hubby, say "I told you so" :). The water helped somewhat – more as a distraction between contractions than anything else. Contractions spaced out a small amount, which I was thankful for.

Tracy arrived at 7:10. The midwife she’d paged had happened to walk into the hospital for a meeting so Tracy got her to finish up at that birth so she could come to me. I was VERY happy to see her. I’d been having visions of birthing my baby myself in the tub, the labour was that intense. She checked me and I was 6, maybe 7, cm. Hubby called my mom, doula Barb, and sister-in-law Becca to come. Noone answered at Josh & Becca’s house.

I was coping fairly well through the very intense contractions – moaning and singing. I couldn’t wait for someone else to arrive so that I was not alone as Hubby and Tracy were setting up for the birth. I didn’t need anyone to tell me what to do, just someone to be there with me. “Hold the space” as we learned in my doula class.

Shortly after Tracy arrived, my mom and younger brother Rich showed up. Rich took A to Josh & Becca’s house. I had originally wished that he could be there, but I was relieved that he was gone as I was in so much pain, more than I ever imagined I could be in, and I didn’t want to scare him. He’s not one to sit quietly and observe what’s going on. He asks a million questions and tries to help and asks me for things and I just couldn’t deal with that in the moment.

I got out of the tub as the water was getting cold and sitting on the hard tub bottom was not helping (throwing folded towel into the tub would have helped to cushion my bottom – I’ll remember this for next time). I leaned on my mom for awhile and we swayed through the contractions.

I don’t remember when the other midwife, Carla, arrived.

Barb arrived around 7:30. Becca had finally been reached and was on her way. Contractions were getting more intense and the pressure was constant even between contractions. After ½ hour or so, I sat on the birth ball for awhile with Barb behind me on the couch and Hubby in front of me on a chair.

Clockwise from left: Becca (SIL), Hubby, me, Barb (Doula)

Barb rubbed my back. I was surprised and disappointed that the double hip press, which had been SO helpful during A’s birth, was painful during this one. So Barb just brushed my back lightly with her fingertips, which didn’t really help with the pain but it felt nice so I guess it was a good distraction at least. Becca arrived around 8:00.

At some point I turned around, kneeling on the floor and leaning forward over the birth ball. This felt a lot better, some of the incredibly intense pressure is relieved. This is the only position that I found during my entire labour and birth that I was remotely comfortable in. While in this position, I threw up. One of my midwives said “That’s usually good for 1-2 cm!” which was encouraging to hear.

Becca, me, Barb

Barb had to remind me to go to the bathroom to pee. I didn’t want to move and didn’t want to sit on that uncomfortable toilet, but with her encouragement, I did. When I got back, I went on the ball again then Barb suggested that I change position since I’d been on the ball for awhile.

I attempted the birthing stool and didn’t like it at all (too much like sitting on the toilet – it put pressure on the wrong places and made me more uncomfortable). The contractions were really getting away from me. I was getting very discouraged and begged to transfer to the hospital for an epidural.

Becca, me, Barb

Tracy checked me and said I was 7-8 cm. (Barb told me long after the birth that when Tracy checked me, I’d gone backwards 1 cm and she recommended the position change, I may have regressed because my shoulders were a little lower than my hips while I was leaned over the ball so the baby’s head wasn’t well applied to the cervix. I am VERY grateful that I was not told that I had regressed 1 cm as that would have crushed me. I was on such thin ice as it was, trying to keep it together.)

L was at -2 station and his head was bent off to the side, towards his right shoulder. Tracy wanted me to get upright and move so Barb suggested that I take a shower. I was whiney and didn’t want to move, I just wanted an epidural. Barb and Becca nearly carried me to the shower. The whole time I was pissed that I did all that work for “one lousy cm” and did the math that if it took 3 hours for 1 cm, how much longer it’ll take for the remaining 2-3 cm. I didn’t want to do it. This was at about 10:15 am.

Becca and I in the shower

The shower helped marginally but the contractions were still getting more intense. Becca sang hymns to me, trying to help me relax. Her voice sounded so sweet and I think it helped me come down from full-blown panic. I begged each person in turn to take me to the hospital for an epidural or caesarean. I was convinced that I absolutely cannot continue. Every person refused. I was frustrated that I didn’t get my way. I yell at them, “You’re not listening to me!” although I knew they were. Hubby told me that there’s nothing they can do to help me and I yelled at him, “You don’t know how much pain I’m in!” I told him that he’s going TOMORROW to get a vasectomy. Hubby told me that at one point I complained to him that he was “just being mean.”

I thought to myself that something must be wrong that I’m in such extreme pain. I begged God for a break. Just 20 minutes with no contractions. Everyone assured me that I’ll get a break after he’s born.

Tracy gave me some homeopathic medicine that might help turn his head straighter. I liked the taste of it, it tasted like sugar.

Around 10:45 I started to feel pushy so I get out of the shower and head back to the living room. I knelt and leaned on the ball and tried a few pushes. The first one felt really good, but after that the contractions consumed me and I could not conceive expending any energy with pushing, it’s all I could do to get through the contractions. I told Barb that he’s too big to come out. I ordered Hubby to call 911. He didn't of course.

Tracy reminded me that she could do AROM and told me to let her know if I wanted it done. I told her to "do it now". I was SO tired and desperate for anything to shorten the labour. I was no longer concerned about AROM making the labour more difficult as it was already way past my tolerance level, it didn't really matter if it was any worse. I tried to moan through them but they were so intense that it came out as a scream much of the time.

I got a brief moment of relief when she broke my water. I was then a solid 7 cm and his head, which had been floating, was now well applied but still wasn’t straight. The fluid was clear (no meconium).

Around 11, Tracy checked and I was a stretchy 9 cm, maybe 10 with a lip. It was time to start pushing!

(To be continued...)